I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
