Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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