So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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