I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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