i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
