I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We are all done wearing pants today
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
