You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
