hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
