I think my vagina is haunted
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
