Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My penis needs a shock collar
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
