I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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