Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
