she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
