what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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