All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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