I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
