she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize