Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the raccoons are back...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
