Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize