Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize