census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
