you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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