I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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