It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
