Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
