I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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