in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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