They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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