Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
