sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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