Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
