Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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