you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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