I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
