So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
