I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We are all done wearing pants today
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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