i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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