How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
