He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
