Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
