so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
