My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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