its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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