Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
