Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
