i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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