Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
