he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize