My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
