Can Purell be used as lube?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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