you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
