I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
