Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
