i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
