you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
