You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
In America we eat man semen.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
