yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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