this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
