she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You ruined the universe
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
