is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize