Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
is that a dick in a sweater?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
