I want to have your abortion
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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