Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
