Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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