3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
