:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
